HeartBeat 1

January 6, 2012

Love is A Many Splintered Thing
It's better to have loved and to have lost than to never had love at all. This clich'e has been tossed around for decades but it came into my life via a Whodini song entitled One Love. The song is a do as I say not as I do, manifesto of maintaining relationships. Being an impressionable 12 year old and enamored with Hip Hop, this song left an indelible mark on me. I mentally referred to it time and time again growing up applying various lines to different relationships. However that old cliche always surfaced around the relationships demise. When I got older I began to ask myself is that line true or just some BS said to inspire broken hearted losers of every age? Though love lost is unbearable at times and brings with it a caucophony of emotions it is still better than the alternative, a life without love, affection and acceptance. The falling in love phase itself what drives most of the music and movies we enjoy and makes the end worthwhile.
Love in the beginning is a euphoric all encompassing blur of pleasure. The delight and joy of our mates are our only concern and everything they do, and say is titilation for us. Before our feet hit the floor in the morning we are already eagerly anticipating the next encounter. The thought of the outfit fitting the body perfectly, the smell of her perfume, the hint of his cologne, the surge of pleasure derived from the initial touch are enough to create sensory overload. This sensation is what drives a protuberant amount of popular music. From Justin Bieber's "Baby", to the Prince's "Adore" the infatuation/in love stage is front and center for every waking moment.

Until the end of time,
I'll be there for you
You are my heart and mine
Truly adore you
If God one day struck me blind
Your beauty I'd still see
Love is 2 weak 2 define
Just what you mean to me

When those words seep through the speakers the listener is instantly informed of Prince's infatuation with the lady of the song. The power of music enables him to transport us audibly to our own infatuation phase. Whether current or a distance memory this song typifies that universal infatuation we all experience. This is what we often listen to music for, to be translated to a time and place that is sublime and when the song or album is finished we look for something else that resonates like that.

Relationships are no different, (which is probably why these tunes are popular), many of us are serial infatuates meaning that we long for the high of falling in love and once that high is no longer attainable, we bounce. This phenomenon has given birth to "it's me, not you," defense when calling things off. Dictionary.com defines infatuation, " as a foolish all absorbing passion, an instance that will not last. " We enter these relationships hoping that ours will be the exception, that this will continue in perpetuity, though we know the decks are stacked against us. Truthfully living in this deliriously amorous state would actually inhibit the individual from maturing as well as the couple. When the rose colored glasses are removed what the realistic vision of the partner is who really needs to be loved.

When looking introspectively we realize this is the beginning of the end for those relationships that expire. The revelation that this individual has tendencies, traits, and a temperament that makes living with them unbearable. My personal journey to romantic completion was full of epiphanies that showed me that my idiosyncracies were not something my mates could endure. I am naturally jovial and when surrounded by friends and family I am hilarious. The quiet hours bring a reflective melancholy side that for some of my partners was jarring. In return there inability to embrace that aspect of my personality showed me that these women though spectacular in other areas were not long term partners for me.

Infatuation is a crucial part of the falling in love process but is not the end all be all to romantic matriculation. This emotional inebriation is the lube for the intellectual and spiritual intercourse that is marriage. Without the high we don't stick around for the monotony that monogamy fosters. Genuine love finds ways to inspire in the midst of the mundane to gratify both partners.
With that being said here's the infatuation mixtape just to remind us of what it feels like to fall in love:

Knocks Me off My Feet-Stevie Wonder
Never Too Much- Luther Vandross
Never Felt This Way-Brian McKnight
If It Isn't Love- New Edition
My Girl-Temptations
Adore-Prince
Thinking About You-J. Spencer
All I Do Is Think of You-Jackson 5/Troop
Infatuation-Jamie Foxx
I'm In Love-Joe
A Song For You-Earth, Wind and Fire
Silly Love Song-Michell'e
Suddenly-Billy Ocean
Giving My All To You-Johnny Gill
A Whole New World- Peabo Bryson/Regina Belle
Can't Help It -Michael Jackson
Sweetest Taboo-Sade
Natural Woman-Aretha Franklin
Against All Odds- Phil Collins
My Heart Will Go On- Celine Dion